Back to December
by CloudieSky27
Summary: My first songfic! One-shot. Possibly three-shot if you want. 18fem!27. "She told me she loved me. But I couldn't say the same." "I was truly an idiot." "Tsunayoshi. . . I'm sorry." Oh, and Merry Christmas!


**YAY! My first songfic! Sorry if it's crappy. Those of you waiting for Vongola High School Host Club, it will be up tomorrow! **

**I've actually had this songfic written in my notebook for a while now but I thought, "Hey, how about I post it on Christmas?" So here it is! I hope you enjoy it!**

**Song: Back to December**

**Sung by: Taylor Swift**

**Pairing: 18fem27**

**Hibari's POV**

**Warning: OOCness. Hibari is 20. Tsuna is 19.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own KHR!**

**I'm so glad you made time to see me**

**How's life? Tell me how's your family**

**I haven't seen them in a while**

**December 24th 11:00pm**

I parked my car outside the Orange Cafe. I stared at it for a while. There was nothing particularly interesting about the orange painted brick building. What interested me was what was waiting for me inside.

Entering the cafe, I immediately turned my attention to a mop of gravity defying light brown hair. The top was nothing but a cute mess but the bottom was long and silky. Her hair had grown longer since the last time I saw her. She looked deep in thought, not even noticing as I sat down.

"Herbivore," I said to her. From her new expression, I could tell she still hadn't forgotten me. Or more specifically, what I did. Her eyes were filled with fear and sadness as she looked at me. But I could tell she wasn't looking me directly in the eyes. She focused on anything but my eyes. My steel blue eyes, compared to her large caramel ones.

I did not wait for an invitation and simply sat down. I did not bother asking her how she was. Her eyes told me everything. I didn't care of how her group of herbivores were, but decided to ask anyway, to get some kind of conversation going. This silence would make her feel even more uncomfortable and leave. I couldn't let her slip away again.

"How's your famiglia?" She looked at me with questioning eyes for a second before answering. I had to ask her. I didn't leave just her. I left the Vongola. I couldn't stay. Not after what happened. "L-Lambo and I-I-pin are in Italy with M-Mama and P-Papa." She was trembling but still continued talking, this time, with a bit more confidence.

"G-Gokudera-kun still has his usual short-temper, although it seems a bit shorter now. Yamamoto has been a bit different too." She smiled a bit while remembering her guardians. "Chrome is still as quiet as ever. W-We finally managed to get M-M-Mukuro out of Vindicare. H-He's well. . . The same, if not worse than before. B-But, I guess that's his own way of showing he cares." She for a while to think for a bit. And I tried my hardest to suppress my killing intent. That damn pineapple. Is he is still trying to get my herb-. No. She isn't mine anymore. And that is my fault.

"Lambo is as crazy as ever and Ryohei is still uh. . .," she thought for a bit. "Extreme I guess. Just a bit quieter which worries me."

I frowned a bit. I didn't think leaving would affect even them so much. But I guess watching their favorite person sad takes its toll. I would be the same if in their position. But I'm not in that position. Because I am the cause. Leaving behind the famiglia. Leaving behind my happiness. Leaving behind the only person I've ever truly loved. No matter how herbivorous the feelings were. "I see," was my reply. She was smiling at me. But it only made me frown more. This wasn't the smile I loved. This was a forced smile. Filled with pain, hurt, and sadness. And it's all my fault. But I guess, over all. She's been just fine. Surrounded by people that love her. I wonder if she's already found someone to love. More than she ever loved me.

**You've been good. Busier than everything**

**Small talk, work and the weather. **

**Your guard is up and I know why.**

I would ask questions and she would respond. She asked me a few questions bit I could tell she was comfortable. I answered them none the less. My impassive face never changing.

My pride ruined me. I lost the greatest thing that ever happened to me. But my pain is no where near how much sadness she feels. Her pain. Her suffering. Her hurt. I caused it all. It is all of my fault. Her pain is ten times worse than mine. I caused pain for two hearts. Maybe even nine others for having to watch their favorite person in so much pain.

I caused it.

**Because the last time you saw me **

**Still burned in the back of your mind.**

**You gave me roses**

**And I left them there to die.**

I hurt her more than I thought I ever could. This doesn't compare to the pain people feel after being bitten to death.

This is the worst pain I've ever inflicted on someone. This is far worse than broken bones and far worse than a remodeled face or close to death beatings. I broke a heart. I heart of gold. So pure and innocent. And I just took it and smashed it into pieces. Pieces that no one knows if they ever could be put back together.

How could she ever consider loving me again? How could she ever love me again? Or even forgive me?

**So this is me swallowing my pride**

**Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night**

**And I'd go Back to December all the time**

"Tsunayoshi," I said. She looked at me with wide eyes. My heart sank further. How long has it been since I last called her name? How long has it been since I've talked to her at all?

She lowered her head again. This time, her bangs covered her eyes. I didn't need to ask what was wrong. I saw a single tear slide down her cheek and off of her chin. Falling onto her lap that would probably be soon meeting more tears.

Now I felt my heart sink even further. It was as if my heart had finally reached the bottom of the seemingly endless abyss.

"I'm sorry," I said. Her eyes widened once again as her head shot back up to look at me. Directly in the eyes this time.

**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**

**Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine**

**I'd go Back to December turn around and make it all right**

**I'd go Back to December all the time**

Although I hate to repeat myself, I thought it would be a good to in this situation.

Screw pride.

"I'm sorry. . . For the pain and sadness I caused you."

She looked at me in disbelief. "Hibari-san. . ."

"Tsunayoshi. . . I was stupid and selfish, thinking of my pride and letting it run my life. I apologize."

Her eyes relaxed a bit but only more tears fell from her eyes and moistened her cheeks.

Why was I such an idiot?

**These days I haven't been sleeping**

**Staying up playing back myself leaving**

**When your birthday passed and I didn't call**

I've spent days, maybe even weeks, without sleep. I've spent day and night only thinking of her. What I did. I thought I knew stupid people. But I. . . I was the dumbest of all. All I could think of was her. Trying so hard my true reason for leaving her. It wasn't just my damn pride. It was myself. I thought I would only hurt her if I stayed. So I left. And after that, I blamed my pride. But that wasn't the real problem. She was a part of my pride. And if I hurt her, my pride was already ruined.

Two years ago. October 14th. Tsunayoshi's birthday. I planned for us to go to the amusement park. Although I detest crowds, she loves the damn place. But when the time came. I didn't go. I don't know why. I didn't even bother to say happy birthday. Not a text. Not a call. Nothing. . .

She probably waited there for hours. And I didn't go. I forgot to go. And apparently her Hyper whatever Intuition didn't warn her. She even texted me but I was too busy to answer.

It even rained. . .

The next day, the baby came to my house. I was shocked at what he said but I didn't show it. The baby didn't go with her but when he noticed that it was getting late and she still hadn't come home, he got worried and went to look for her. The one day when he decides not to follow her around. And when he found her, she was unconscious, on the ground, under the rain.

But I never once showed up to take care of her or wish her to get well soon.

**And I think about summer all the beautiful times**

**I watched you laughing from the passenger side**

**Realized I loved you in the fall**

_**-1 year ago-**_

_ She avoided me for a while and it pissed me off. I didn't like being ignored. So I took her to the beach. Well, I kidnapped her. It was the last day of school before summer vacation and I wasn't going to let this continue. So in the middle of her math class, since she hates that class, I literally dragged her out of the room. She managed to shut her friends up but she herself didn't shut up. She kept squirming and asking where I was taking her and to let her go. _

_ I eventually got her to shut up and sit quietly in the car until we got there. It was summer so it was very crowded and I was pissed. I had to stop myself from biting all of these herbivores to death so that she could be happy. And she was. She was very happy. And stopped ignoring me. _

_ On the way back home, she talked and laughed. That angelic laugh that was music to my ears. I held her hand and she smiled at me. We spent our summer in total bliss and happiness. I would drive her places and she would always be next to me, laughing and telling me stories. I would smile for her and only her, maybe even the occasional chuckle but nothing more. _

_ And finally it was fall, another birthday for her, and one I didn't miss. I made sure of that. And I slowly realized that I loved her. I had fallen in love with her without even realizing. I wanted to always be with her. She was mine. _

**And then the cold came**

**The dark days when fear crept into my mind**

**You gave me all your love and all I gave you was**

**Good Bye**

School started it's winter session, and as usual, the herbivore was always late. Not that I would _complain. The more she was late, the more of an excuse I had to call her to the Reception Room to have her all to myself. _

_ Vacation started and we spent more time together. I would only wonder if I was making the right choice. What if I only caused her more pain like I did on her birthday? What is I didn't make her truly happy? What is she could find someone that made her truly happy and I was only holding her back? _

_**-December 24th 1 year ago-**_

_She told me she loved me. With all of her heart, she said she loved me. But I couldn't say the same. I knew I loved her. But I was holding her back from true happiness. If I said it now, she would have to stay with me instead of someone that can really make her happy. So I doubted her words. I left her. I released her from my embrace and I said goodbye. That was my answer to her confession. I said goodbye and walked away. _

_ She ran after me, shouting my name, but I ignored her. She ran in front of me and hugged me. Burying her face in my chest and cry. Asking why and begging me not to leave. I wanted so much to hold her and promise her that I would stay with her forever. But I couldn't. In the long run, I would only cause her more pain in the future than now if I stayed._

_ So I threatened to bite her to death if she didn't let go. I made sure my voice was cold and emotionless._

_ "I don't like being held back. You are a herbivore. You are weak. Not right for me," I said to her. Her eyes widened with fear and hurt. But they softened after a while. Still saddened, she looked at me with understanding eyes._

_ I felt my chest tighten. _'No. I don't want this. Don't look at me like that. Tsunayoshi. . .'

_ "Good bye Tsunayoshi," I said. _

_ "Goodbye. . . Hibari-san," she replied and walked away. _

_ My heart dropped. Completely. Nothing was left. It shattered. _

_ This was the first time, in two years, that she called me by my last name. I simply walked away from the scene. _

_ And then the next day. Christmas day. I was told she was sick. And this same day, the infant took back the cloud ring. I never saw Tsunayoshi again. She graduated. Moved to the Vongola Mansion along with her guardians. And I never saw her again. _

**So this is me swallowing my pride**

**Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night**

**And I'd go Back to December all the time**

**-present – December 24th 11:30 pm **

"Please forgive me Tsunayoshi," I said.

**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**

**Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.**

**And I'd go Back to December, turn around and change my own mind**

**I'd go Back to December all the time**

"I should have realized my mistake before," I said. She continued to cry but her eyes never left mine.

"If I could take it back I would."

**I miss your tender skin, your sweet smile**

**So good to me, So right**

**And when you held me in your arms that December night**

**The first time you ever saw me cry**

Her skin, so soft and beautiful. Her white skin like porcelain. She looked almost like a doll. Her bright smile that seemed so contagious. So radiant that anyone would believe they would go blind if they stared for too long. Yet they all took the risk. And I loved it. I loved her. Everything about her. She accepted anyone and anything, no matter what their past. Although I hate to admit it, it made me jealous. But there was no denying that I was a part of her. I would never have her completely to myself. And I accepted that. Because even if I couldn't have all of her, I had most of her.

And that night. That white, snowy night. The night I left. I wanted so much to cry. Especially when she looked at me with those eyes. As if she knew all along that that day would come. That I would someday leaver her side and never return.

It hurt. More than anything else in the world. I, Hibari Kyoya, was truly hurt.

**Maybe this is wishful thinking**

**Probably mindless dreaming**

**But if we loved again I swear I'd love you right**

"Tsunayoshi. I am asking for another chance."

Of course she wouldn't believe me. Why would she?

**I'd go back in time and change it,**

**But I can't.**

**So if the chain is on your door,**

**I understand.**

"I should have never left."

We sat in silence for a while. She looked like she was debating whether or not she should give me another chance or not. It was obvious she was debating that. And it seemed perfectly clear that she wouldn't take me back. No one would. Especially considering what I did to her before.

"Hibari-san I- "

I gave her a faint smile. One that she obviously noticed. "Goodbye Tsunayoshi. This will really be the last time we meet." I got up and walked out of the cafe. This seemed so familiar.

I left her sitting at the table. I didn't want to hear her reject my apology and my offer to be together again. I was truly an idiot for believe she ever would accept me again.

This had to be the last time I saw her or only more pain will come of it.

**So this is me swallowing my pride**

**Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night**

**And I'd go Back to December**

**-11:45 pm.-**

"Hibari-san!"

Before I could even turn around, arms were wrapped around me and a head was buried in my back.

She came after me. . . But why?

"Please Hibari-san. . . Please. . . Don't leave me. N-Not again. P-Please don't," she stuttered out. My eyes widened. Something that didn't happen often. She actually forgave me? She was crying. Just like the night I left her.

After she noticed she she did, she released me. I wanted so much to hold her again. But she stepped back a few steps before I could.

"I-I'm sorry Hibari-san. I. . . I won't hold you back anymore. . ." She wiped her tears and showed me a smile. Another fake smile.

**It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**

**Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine**

**I'd go Back to December, turn around and make it all right**

"Tsunayoshi. . ."

She bowed her head to me.

"P-Please. Don't worry about me Hibari-san. I hope you find all the happiness you deserve," She paused and looked back up at me with her caring eyes. Those eyes that I could never fight against.

"I'm sure you will find someone who can give you the happiness I couldn't."

She backed away from me even more.

Don't go. . .

"Goodbye Hibari-san. . ."

Don't leave. . .

**-11:50pm- **

She turned and walked away. And I moved without thinking.

I wrapped my arms around her chest and planted me head at the crook of her neck.

"Don't go Tsunayoshi. . . I love you."

"I could feel she body tense and the relax again. I heard murmurs and hiccups and sniffs. I let go of her so that I could hear what she was saying.

She turned around and hugged me tightly. Wrapping her arms around my neck and having to stand on her toes just to reach. Even then I had to bend down a bit.

"I missed you so much Hibari-san! I love you. I always have. I haven't stopped." She hiccuped and sniffed in between words. My eyes widened considerably as she continued.

"Even after you left I couldn't bring myself to hate you, or even forget you. I spent everyday thinking about you. Why you left. What I did wrong. And I only ever came up with one answer. I'm weak. I'm weak and you are strong. I am Dame-Tsuna. I'm not pretty. I only cause trouble. I'm a burden. To everyone around me. It's harder to believe that you ever accepted me in the first place. That you managed to put up with me for two years. I guess you can say I saw it coming since the beginning. You are the cloud after all. You can't be tied down to anything."

**-11:55pm-**

My heart clenched and I wanted to cry. But I kept my indifferent face. I pulled her away enough to grab her chin, tilt her head up, and kiss her.

It was sweet. I missed this. So soft and gentle.

It took a while for her to find the courage to kiss back and a few seconds later, we broke apart for air.

I looked into her mesmerizing, big, caramel eyes.

"Tsunayoshi. I left because I believed that if I stayed, I would only cause you pain. You are strong. Stronger than anyone else. You lead the strongest mafia family and still manage to remain pure. You lead some of the strongest men, possibly in the world. You have hidden talents that possibly you yourself don't even know of. Like that smile of yours, that can make even me smile back. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. You have the power to make people fall in love with you. . . Just like I have," I said. I surprised myself. That was probably the most I've ever said in my life. But I don't care. She knows how I truly feel now. I won't let anything hold me back anymore.

**I'd go Back to December,**

**Turn around and change my own mind**

**-December 25th 12:00am-**

"I love you. . . Kyoya."

"I love you too Tsunayoshi. Merry Christmas."

**I'd go Back to December all the time**

**All the time~**

**YAY! I'm done! And OMG that was 13 pages!**

**Like I said before, chapter 8 of Vongola High School Host Club will be up tomorrow!**

**Okay! So I was thinking of making two side stories to go with this one-shot. So I guess it would be a three-shot. One will be about Tsuna's life after Hibari left her and the other will be about Hibari going back to Vongola and the guardians' reactions. But I'm not sure. SO PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME! **

**Thank you very much for reading and Merry Christmas!**

**Ciao~! **


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